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Do you find that you over explain yourself ?




The need to over explain yourself typically stems of childhood trauma. “If the person felt they were abandoned in some way, they learn to please others so others won't leave them"


Additionally, someone who has experienced gaslighting at any age can develop a habit of over-explaining so that the person you’re talking to can’t distort your words. Plus, depending on the type of trauma experienced, sometimes we over-explain to avoid disappointing someone by giving them your reasoning.”


You may see over-explaining as a way to be honest or to boost another person's emotional state. It could also be that you are a chattier person, especially when you feel you can contribute to the situation, and, once stimulated, you talk too much.


Over-explaining is a nervous habit, and it's one that comes from fear: Fear of delivering a message that could sound harsh. Fear of taking a strong position that isn't 100% bulletproof. Fear of not making sense. Fear of people thinking your idea is dumb


Do you feel the need to over-explain yourself in an attempt to make others feel more comfortable? While it’s a great quality to want to show up for the people you love and be empathetic to their needs, setting aside all of your own hopes, wants, needs, and worries in an attempt to satisfy someone else’s is never a good thing. In fact, it’s a trauma response known as fawning


The logic behind fawning is that if a person does anything and everything they can to please the person who is trying to hurt them, that person might not follow through with the abusive behavior


Our primal trauma responses are fight, flight, and freeze, and fawning is a way to circumnavigate the need to do any of those altogether. These trauma responses are taxing on our nervous systems, so the body attempts to protect itself by fawning. It’s like putting on a mask and hoping the abuser doesn’t recognize you behind it.


With this in mind, here are five of the tips I share with clients to stop over-explaining:


Listen and put your listeners first. Too many of us think about what we want to say, instead of what people need to hear.

Remember, less is more.

Focus your message.

Give the bottom line first

Make it a conversation.


So if you feel that this is you and would like some support, don't hesitate to give me a call - we can work on this together

Anne


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